Pick-Up Lines
by Chrmdpoet
Summary: Henry wants to get his mothers together, so he steals Emma's phone and uses it to text cheesy pick-up lines to his other mother, Regina, under the guise of his birthmother, hoping to effectively woo the Mayor and ignite a romance between his two moms. But what happens when Emma discovers his plan halfway through? Three-Shot. Rated T for language and sexual innuendos.
1. Chapter 1: Everyone Can See It

**A/N: I decided to just goof off a bit by writing a fun and humorous three-shot. You won't have to wait long for me to update parts two and three. I will have them up quickly, and hopefully you will all enjoy this bit of fun as a well-deserved break from my more dramatic fics. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Pick-Up Lines

Part One: Everyone Can See It

Henry was tired of his mothers, both of them. He was tired of their endless and senseless bickering, which never resulted in anything but more bickering. He was tired of their incessant need to belittle one another or manipulate one another only so that the other would then step up her game and keep the ball moving. He was tired of the way they used him like a rope in a game of tug o' war, constantly yanking him back and forth between them.

It was pointless, really, because the drama of the Curse had passed a while ago, and yet they were still going at it, ever at each other's throats even though Henry truly loved them both equally. Emma had saved the townspeople from the Curse and Regina had redeemed herself and was reinstated as Mayor, and that should have been the end of it, but no. It was as if neither of them knew how to function unless they were tearing into one another, or maybe they just felt uncomfortable stepping outside their traditional roles of good versus evil. Or maybe they only fought in order to have an excuse to be near each other (you know, because love or sex wouldn't have been a suitable reason at all.)

Regardless of the reasoning, Henry was sick of it.

Besides, it was blatantly obvious to Henry and to everyone in the entire town of Storybrooke that his moms actually really liked each other. Well, it was obvious to everyone _except _Emma and Regina, of course. But Henry was no fool. He recognized the way they both were constantly seeking out the other, constantly looking for reasons to engage in a fight or conversation, constantly asking him pointless questions about the other, and constantly watching one another when they thought the other wasn't looking.

Oh, and despite their incessant fighting and attempts at putting each other down, both women were always the very first to jump to the other's defense should the need arise. When the town went after Regina, Emma was right in the middle of the fray screaming for them to stop and doing her best to protect the woman she supposedly despised. She protected Regina from a wraith, stood up for her when she was framed for murder, saved her from crazed, magic-hating torturers, and refused to let her sacrifice her life to save the town by helping her stop the so-called "unstoppable" diamond.

And Regina? Well, she wasn't much better. When she finally got her chance to be free of the blonde the day Emma fell into a portal, the first thing Madame Mayor did was start working to bring her back. Interesting thing to do for someone you supposedly loathed. Not only that, but Regina then absorbed an actual _death _curse to ensure that Emma made it back to Storybrooke through a portal in a well and didn't die in the process. Repeat: absorbed a _death _curse.

And finally, there was the whole magic thing. Henry knew a lot more about magic than most non-magical people would. He'd read a lot of books on the subject, and not only on magic, but on True Love as well. Yes, Henry Mills recognized True Love when he saw it, and his two mothers? Oh yeah…they had it. Transcending realms by opening portals together, magically stopping something said to be unstoppable, and so on and so forth.

The evidence was overwhelming. In Henry's opinion, it was really sort of pathetic that neither of his moms had clued in to any of it yet. How blind could you possibly be, right?

So, completely and utterly fed up with his mothers' behavior, Henry hatched a plan to turn the tide. He was going to help his moms see just how much they actually liked each other, and he had come up with the perfect idea on how to accomplish exactly that.

* * *

Henry peeked around the corner and into the main room of the police station. His blonde birthmother was sitting at her desk, flipping through some papers on a clipboard. He grinned wickedly as he opened his phone to send her a text message he'd typed up before he ever even left the house that morning.

It was time to enact Operation SwanQueen. He'd originally called it Operation Meriff, like Mayor and Sheriff combined, but quickly decided that he didn't like the way that sounded; same with Operation Shayor. So then he tried Operation EvilSavior, which he immediately felt bad about because he no longer believed his adoptive mother to be evil and didn't want to call her that, even if he _was_ the only person who would've known. So, he scratched that idea and went with Operation SaviorQueen, only to almost immediately scrap that title, too, because it sounded too much like a play on words (Operation Save-Your-Queen). And finally he landed on Operation SwanQueen and thought it had a nice ring to it.

Naming operations was a serious matter, never to be taken lightly. Seriously.

He double-checked the text message, which read: _Ma, don't forget to take Ruby the cookies we made her BEFORE lunch. _

Henry mentally patted himself on the back for his genius planning as he went ahead and sent the text message. He'd deliberately roped Emma into baking cookies with him the night before, claiming that he wanted to make some for Regina to surprise her because she'd seemed lonely lately (which of course got Emma's attention. _So _blind.) He then said they'd made too many and conveniently put some in a tin and asked his birthmother to take them to Ruby for lunch the next day.

Okay, sure…it was an _elaborate_ plan and probably way too involved for the task at hand, but hey…go big or go home, right?

The true genius of the plan was that Henry waited until exactly two minutes before Ruby's scheduled lunch break to send Emma the text, hopefully ensuring that his mother would freak about the time and run out quickly to drop the cookies at the diner before returning to the station. He kept his fingers crossed that it would work and he wouldn't have to come up with another plan, and then he heard his mother's phone beep and watched as she relaxed back into her chair and opened the text.

Sure enough, Emma nearly fell out of her chair as she shot a glance to the clock and cursed loudly. Henry nearly laughed out loud at his mother's predictable behavior, but he kept a hand clamped tightly around his mouth to keep himself quiet. He watched as Emma tossed her phone onto her desk and launched from her chair. She dug around in the papers on her desk, trying to find the small tin of cookies under one of the messy piles. As soon as she found it, she let out an "Aha!" of triumph before grabbing her jacket off of the coat rack and practically sprinting from the station.

Henry darted quickly out of the corner he'd ducked into when he'd seen his mother running toward him, and shot to her desk. He grabbed the phone she'd left behind and ran out of the station as if his pants were on fire, because the diner wasn't far from the station which meant he had a very small window of time to get the phone and get out.

As soon as Henry made it safely down the street and out of sight of the station, he let out a whoop of triumph and joy before making his way back to Emma's loft, where he lived part-time. It was a Saturday and he didn't have school, so he'd convinced both of his mothers that he'd made plans with friends that day (some of the Lost Boys, much to Regina's disdain), when his _actual _plans revolved solely around himself and his two obviously dense moms.

"Phase One of Operation SwanQueen complete," Henry muttered as he stepped into the loft and hung up his jacket. He made his way over to his laptop, still open on the coffee table in the living room and pulled it into his lap as he dropped onto the couch. "Now, on to Phase Two."

* * *

Henry opened the window on his computer that he'd minimized right before leaving the loft, and was greeted by a bright blue webpage with the following heading: Awesome Pick-Up Lines that Actually Work.

Henry didn't have the slightest clue what a good pick-up line consisted of, because with everything he'd been through in the last couple of years, he hadn't even spared a thought for attraction or dating or any of that confusing crap. Regina told him he was too young for it anyway, which he was inclined to agree with considering it seemed like a boring waste of time when compared with magical threats and impending doom. The point was that he didn't know what girls liked to hear or what might impress them, so he relied on his friend, the Internet, and hoped that it would actually help him accomplish the task of finally getting his moms together.

Emma's phone was so old-school that Henry couldn't help but laugh out loud at it. He actually had to tap out each letter on the number pad. Seriously ghetto. At least Regina had an iPhone. That would have been much easier, but unfortunately way too obvious. Regina was much more gullible than Emma, at least when it came to things like this, because his adoptive mother had little experience in this area of life. Not to mention that this actually seemed like something Emma Swan would do, but it was a far cry from the norm for Regina Mills. In fact, Regina wouldn't be caught dead doing something like this.

So, Henry opened Emma's text board and tapped out the first of many pick-up lines he intended to send to his adoptive mother under the guise of his birthmother. Again, he patted himself on the back for another genius plan, which he sincerely hoped worked because he actually didn't have a Phase Three in mind. He hoped that his mothers would just sort of take Phase Two and run with it, thus making his operation a success. Otherwise, he'd have to come up with a whole new operation, which meant he'd have to come up with a new name for that operation, which meant more serious deliberation, and well…you get the picture. He just _really _hoped this would work.

As soon as he pressed send, Henry sat back and smiled, waiting for a reply that could very well make or break his entire operation.


	2. Chapter 2: Tiny, Tiny Possibilities

Pick-Up Lines

Part Two: Tiny, Tiny Possibilities

Regina was tapping away at her computer, typing up a new budget report, when her phone vibrated on her desk, effectively scaring the hell out of her. Seriously, every time her iPhone vibrated against the surface of a desk or a table, the sound echoed through the entire room like a freaking rumbling earthquake and nearly always made Regina jump right out of her skin. That, or she would curse loud enough to alert her secretary, who almost always came running in only to be told that a crisis didn't actually exist.

_Like I would need you if there actually was a crisis, _Regina would always think, rolling her eyes. _I'm the damn Evil Queen. I think I could handle it. _

Of course, she was just sour because she didn't want to admit that she had been scared out of her skin by something as simple and harmless as a mobile phone. No one needed to know, and Regina certainly wasn't telling. She had a reputation to maintain after all.

The Mayor swiped across the lock screen of her phone to see that she had one new text message from Sheriff Swan. Regina rolled her eyes dramatically because _of course_ Emma Swan, of all people, would be bothering her. They couldn't go a single day without at least one incident or interaction. It was practically a mandate in their strangely awkward and tense relationship that Regina both loathed and loved; the latter mostly only because it was an entertaining reprieve from the tedium of her Mayoral duties and routines, or at least that's what Regina continued to tell herself.

When Regina opened the text message, though, she was disappointed and slightly confused to see that it was nothing but a simple request, nothing that she could really get fired up about. Pity. The Mayor so would love a nice distraction from budget reports and city planning. Still, she sighed heavily and tapped out her own boring response to the Sheriff's boring question.

**Sheriff Swan: **_Regina, I was wondering if you could give me directions…?_

**Regina Mills: **_I am not a mind-reader, Ms. Swan. Perhaps you should be more specific. Directions to where?_

Across town, in the Sheriff's loft, Henry Mills was practically squealing with excitement as he opened the response from his mother and it was exactly as it should be for the pick-up line to work. He grinned deviously as he tapped out the hook of the pick-up line quickly and hit send.

**Sheriff Swan: **_To your heart._

Regina's eyes nearly popped out of her skull as she read the Sheriff's response, because well….what? She then narrowed her eyes at her phone as if it were some sort of suspicious, nefarious foe, and wasted no time in firing off a response.

**Regina Mills: **_Sheriff Swan, I am not inclined to play foolish games with you. Either you need directions or not, and hardly to "my heart." Unless, of course, you have been drinking, which would explain your less-than-amusing, idiotic text messages; however, it is barely after noon. Such foul habits as drinking yourself into a stupor surely can wait until after you have finished your occupational duties as Sheriff of my town._

Henry filtered through the message, rolling his eyes at his mother's incessant need to talk like a grammar robot every damn minute of the day, even in her text messages. He picked out a part of the message that seemed to match up with one of the pick-up lines in the list he was scrolling through, and couldn't help but crack up merrily as he sent it to his mother.

**Sheriff Swan: **_I'm not drunk, Regina. I'm just intoxicated by YOU._

**Regina Mills: **_Ms. Swan! What is the meaning of this foolishness? Surely you do not actually expect me to believe these messages to be sincere._

**Sheriff Swan: **_Are your legs tired?_

**Regina Mills: **_I'm sorry, what? What does that have to do with anything? Are you mocking my choice of foot attire? Because I assure you, Sheriff, I can "walk the walk" just as successfully as I can "talk the talk", and I will do so in however high a heel I please._

**Sheriff Swan: **_I just asked because I figured they must be tired from the way you've been running through my mind all day._

**Regina Mills: **_You cannot be serious, Sheriff Swan._

**Sheriff Swan: **_Are you sure that YOU aren't the Sheriff instead of me?_

**Regina Mills: **_What the hell are you talking about? Of course I am sure that I am not the Sheriff. Why would you ask such a ridiculous question?_

**Sheriff Swan: **_Because you've ARRESTED my heart._

Regina legitimately felt as if she had dropped into the Twilight Zone. She actually even went as far as to pinch the hell out of her thigh just to ensure that she wasn't dreaming, and she nearly fell out of her chair when she realized that she wasn't. What the hell was the Sheriff playing at? Surely, Emma couldn't be serious about these affectionate, albeit cheesy, corny, and ridiculously over-the-top, messages. That would just be…

Well, Regina didn't really know what she felt about it, but she was definitely intrigued. _I suppose it could actually make sense_, she thought as she pondered the text messages. _I have certainly caught Ms. Swan in the act of ogling me more than once. Perhaps this is her own crass and naïve way of expressing her true feelings? Of wooing me?_

Regina realized as that thought flew into her mind that she actually wouldn't be surprised if that was the case, and if it _was, _well then…she and the Sheriff might have to have a little chat. _Unless_ this all turned out to be a joke. Then, of course, Regina would be required by her own pride to magically maim the hell out of Storybrooke's resident Savior. Simple as that.

Before she could contemplate all the ways she could torture Emma Swan and get away with it, though, Regina's phone buzzed again to inform her of a new message from the Savior herself.

**Sheriff Swan: **_Regina, do you have a band-aid?_

**Regina Mills: **_Surely, there is a first-aid kit at the Sheriff's station, Ms. Swan. Honestly, your incompetence is astounding. What did you do to require the use of a band-aid, Ms. Swan? Trip over your own "Charming" ego?_

**Sheriff Swan: **_No, I scraped my knee on the ground when I fell for you. And maybe I could get a map from you to go with that band-aid, because I just keep getting so lost in your eyes._

**Regina Mills: **_My eyes are perfectly straightforward, Ms. Swan. I doubt you require a map to go the hell away._

**Sheriff Swan: **_Are you sure you are from the Enchanted Forest? I was thinking you were from Tennessee, because you are the only 10-I-see. _

**Regina Mills: **_…This is getting ridiculous. I have never been to Tennessee, Ms. Swan, though I would agree that I am certainly a "10", if I am understanding that correctly._

Regina tapped her perfectly manicured nails against her desk as she waited for a response from the Sheriff. She expected it to be as immediate as the others had been, but instead she was left waiting, which instantly had her brows furrowing. And that was when Regina realized that she didn't want it to end, and not only because it was an entertaining, albeit ridiculously childish distraction from her job, but also because…well, because that voice in the back of her head kept reminding her of the tiny, tiny possibility that Emma might actually be serious about all of this and that it wasn't just some joke to get under her skin.

And it was that possibility that had Regina hanging on every message and secretly hoping for more, because maybe, _just maybe_, there was another tiny, tiny possibility that Regina might feel the same way. The Mayor then scoffed at herself and thought, _Get it together, Regina. Don't fall for this child's play. You are a smart, attractive, MATURE woman and will NOT be duped by Snow White's daughter of all people!_

Still, though…she waited. Regina just stared at her phone and waited.

* * *

Henry jumped up with a yelp as the loft door suddenly slid quickly open and his birthmother stepped inside. He launched up from the couch with Emma's phone still in his hand, and all he had time to do was look guilty before his incredibly observant former-bounty-hunter mother had taken in all the details of the little scene in front of her. She took in the guilt etched into her son's features, her phone clutched tightly in his hand, and the open laptop on the couch.

"I knew it!" Emma snarled out as she pointed accusingly at Henry. "I knew you were up to something! First the cookies even though I'd never seen you bake before last night, and then my phone just HAPPENS to disappear right after you text me that I need to run out to the diner in a hurry! I knew it! I knew you were up to something, Henry. You always are."

"Uhh…I'm sorry?" Henry said as a last-ditch effort to avoid getting in trouble.

"Spill it, kid," Emma said as she walked over to her son. "What have you been doing with my phone?" And then she noticed the page that was opened on the kid's laptop—Awesome Pick-Up Lines that Actually Work.

Henry's gazed darted back and forth between his birthmother and the computer that she was now staring at. He didn't really need to answer her question at that point because he saw Emma's emerald eyes go wide and then she quickly opened the text messages on her phone to find the very obvious evidence to explain just _exactly _what he had been doing with her phone.

Emma quickly scanned through the text messages that Henry had sent to…..REGINA?!

REGINA MILLS?!

MAYOR REGINA MILLS?!

EVIL QUEEN REGINA MILLS?!

Oh god.

"Henry, what the hell were you thinking?" Emma practically screeched at the kid, who winced at the volume and pitch of her voice. "Are you trying to get me killed? Because your mom could actually…like ACTUALLY kill me!"

"I was just trying to help you guys see that you don't have to fight all the time," Henry whined, quickly jumping in to defend his actions. "Operation SwanQueen!"

"OPERATION SWANQUEEN?!" Emma repeated entirely too loudly for their tiny loft apartment. It wasn't like she had to screech in order for the kid to hear her. "What the hell is that?"

"Well, I started with Operation Meriff, you know like Mayor and Sheriff put together, but I didn't like the way it sounded," Henry began to explain, "and I didn't like Operation Shayor either, so then I tried Operation EvilSavior, but I felt bad because Mom isn't evil anymore, so then I went with—"

"Henry!" Emma exclaimed. "You're rambling. Get to the point!"

"I was trying to help you guys see that you might really like each other if you just stopped fighting," Henry huffed out, throwing up his hands in exasperation.

"_Like _each other?" Emma asked incredulously. "Like…_LIKE _each other? As in romantically? Henry, are you saying that you want me and your mom to _be together as a couple_?"

"Yes," Henry told her plainly as if he'd been waiting for that question for years. Emma looked at the kid as if he had seven heads and nine tails, which only made Henry laugh even though he tried to hold it in. "Don't look at me like that, Ma. It's not like you haven't thought about it before," he teased. "You totally like my mom!"

The Sheriff's entire face turned a deep crimson as Henry's words echoed through the apartment, and before she could even say anything, Henry put on his best sheepish expression and said, "Uh I meant…I'll just be in my room." And then he was gone, sprinting up the stairs and disappearing from Emma's sight.

The blonde dropped unceremoniously onto the couch and tried her best to wrap her brain around all that had just happened in the last five minutes. Henry had been trying to hook her up with Regina, WITH REGINA, via corny-ass pick-up lines from the Internet! Could her life be any more of a joke sometimes?

Emma opened her text messages again and quickly read through the lines that Henry had sent when he was pretending to be her, and she couldn't help but crack up at some of them even though she still wanted to smack the kid upside his head for possibly putting her life in danger. Then again, Regina had surprisingly risen to the bait with every single message. Why wouldn't the Mayor have just ignored them after the first two or three?

It wasn't like Regina was particularly well-known for her patience, or at all. With that thought, Emma's head began to spin, a thousand possibilities running wild in her head as she contemplated it all.

_What if…_Emma thought. _What if Regina is actually INTO this? _

Emma mulled that one over for a moment and couldn't help but think that if that was the case, despite Regina's sarcastic and bitchy quips (because that was obviously just Regina's typical manner of conversation), then Henry might actually be an evil little genius.

Only one way to find out.

The Sheriff reached over and pulled Henry's laptop into her lap. She scrolled through the various pick-up lines until she came across a few that were slightly more suggestive than the ones Henry had chosen, and even a few that were blatantly sexual. She picked up her phone and opened a new text message to Regina before taking a deep, steadying breath and thinking, _I can't believe I'm actually about to do this. _


	3. Chapter 3: Spread the Word

**A/N: Hello everyone. Here is the final installment of this little three-shot. I'm so happy to see so many of you enjoying the story! I hope you enjoy this final chapter as well. Please, let me know what you think! Thank you for all of your support. Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Pick-Up Lines

Part Three: Spread the Word

Regina was simply too impatient. When the text messages from the Sheriff suddenly stopped pouring in, it ate at her nerves endlessly until she just couldn't take it anymore. She grabbed her phone for the thousandth time (just checking) before she typed out a message of her own.

**Regina Mills: **_Are you quite done, Sheriff Swan? I expected this idiocy to continue, yet now you are silent. Can I safely assume that you have more than likely passed out from over-intoxication?_

The Mayor dropped her phone onto her desk as soon as she hit send and went back to tapping her nails furiously against the metal surface and staring at the screen of her iPhone, waiting for it to light up. She didn't understand why she was so worked up about all of this. She couldn't explain it. She just _needed _to know. She needed to know if Emma was serious about the things she had said, or at least serious about the intent of them. Not knowing was terrible, and it was absolutely driving her crazy.

**Sheriff Swan: **_I was just thinking…_

**Regina Mills: **_Oh, that explains the silence then. I am sure thinking must be rather difficult for you, dear. _

Emma smirked down at her phone as she read Regina's bitchy message. The Sheriff didn't even take offense, because that was just Regina's way, and Emma had learned that much long ago. She bantered with Regina and fought with her frequently, but it wasn't because she hated the woman. It was because…well, it was fun. Emma found it simply fascinating how defensive Regina could be, as if she expected everyone and everything to constantly be plotting against her. Old habits die hard, right?

Emma had only just been typing out a new pick-up line when Regina's message of obvious impatience had come through and basically confirmed to the Sheriff that the Mayor actually _was _enjoying this little game, even though Regina had had no clue that it was actually Henry who had started it. And god help them all if she ever did. Emma shuddered just thinking about it.

Still…she wanted to play, and she was curious to see just how far she could push the Mayor, just how far she could step over the line before it all blew up in her face or better…landed her in the Mayor's open arms (or bed). So Emma took another breath to calm herself down and went for it, tapping out her message quickly and pressing send before she could talk herself out of it.

**Sheriff Swan: **_I was thinking that you must be a parking ticket, because you've got "Fine" written all over you._

Regina just stared at her phone…literally just sat there and stared at it. Her jaw was practically rubbing against her chest as she read the message over and over again, because surely there was only one way in which that message could be taken. She was hardly surprised that the Sheriff found her attractive, not only because she'd caught Emma ogling her on more than one occasion, but also because Regina was well aware of her beauty. She had used it to her great advantage during her reign as queen and was accustomed to men and women alike fawning over her. However, it had been quite some time since anyone had blatantly expressed appreciation of her beauty, and this was _Emma._

Emma Swan.

Savior Emma Swan, fated to destroy her, or defeat her, or whatever.

Emma Swan, daughter of Snow White (aka her mortal enemy/bane of existence).

Emma Swan, birthmother and attempted thief of her son.

And that was the strangest thing about it. Regina was baffled, but at the same time she couldn't help but be secretly elated—not only because it was the sweetest revenge imaginable to have attracted (and possibly eventually bed) her enemy's only child, but also because Emma Swan was the only person that had ever challenged Regina in a way that excited her and made her want to up her game or better herself. Emma was the only person who always stood up for her or protected her when necessary, and Emma always supported and believed her rather than assuming her a liar simply because of her past. Emma was the only person who had ever seen her as just Regina. Not the Evil Queen. Not the wicked stepmother of Snow White. Not the pawn of Rumplestiltskin. But just…Regina.

Regina was then jerked from her thoughts when her phone beeped again.

**Sheriff Swan: **_Seriously, if being sexy was a crime, then you would be guilty as charged._

Regina's entire face flushed red when she read that message, and though she truly only wanted to respond with something along the simple lines of "Thank you" or "So would you," she just couldn't bear the thought of making herself vulnerable to someone who could possibly destroy her, or worse…humiliate her (because yes, Regina considered humiliation to be a worse fate than death). She needed to be sure that none of this was a joke before she dropped her defenses, and even then…It was just in her nature to keep her guard up. So, she quickly tapped out a message typical of her usual banter and hoped that she could get some answers.

**Regina Mills: **_As would you be, if being an idiot was a crime. Honestly, Sheriff, this is hardly appropriate. What is your angle? What do you hope to accomplish by this?_

Emma bit her lip and decided to throw out one of her own pick-up lines that really would only work with Regina, and she just hoped that it wouldn't land her with a magical slap to the face…or a literal one the next time she was face-to-face with the Mayor. Because what she was about to say…it was really, _really _over the line.

**Sheriff Swan: **_Well, I wouldn't mind exploring your Enchanted Forest._

**Regina Mills: **_What? Ms. Swan, please stick to one subject at a time so as to avoid confusion. First, I am no longer a queen, thus it is hardly necessary to refer to our land as __**mine**__. Second, what could have possibly inspired a desire such as this? I was under the impression that you rather disliked your time in the Enchanted Forest and much preferred Storybrooke, not that there are any remaining portals even if you did wish to return._

Emma couldn't help it. She just completely crumbled when she read that message and began laughing so hard that she was wheezing and gasping for air within seconds. She stopped for just a second so that she could read Regina's message a second time and then instantly burst into laughter again, because that response had to be one of the funniest things she had ever read in her life.

Of course, _OF COURSE, _Regina wouldn't understand the innuendo. She actually, legitimately thought Emma wanted to explore the freaking Enchanted Forest. Emma couldn't stop laughing even if she tried, and then her phone beeped again with a new text from Regina, and it only made the blonde laugh harder. And though she wanted to just sit back and enjoy the humor of it all, Emma knew that Regina's paranoia was getting the better of her, and she would need to explain and calm her before Regina panicked and burned the town to ash, one fireball at a time.

**Regina Mills: **_What are you plotting, Ms. Swan? You will not run off to the Enchanted Forest with my son and play happily ever after with your idiot parents! If that is your plan, Ms. Swan, know that I will destroy you if it is the last thing I do!_

**Sheriff Swan: **_Regina, stop being so paranoid. I'm not plotting anything, and I don't want to go back to the Enchanted Forest OR take Henry away from you. Okay? I promise. It was just a joke…like a play on words, get it? _

**Regina Mills: **_No, I am afraid I do NOT "get it". What is funny about saying you wish to explore the Enchanted Forest?_

**Sheriff Swan: **_…I said "YOUR" Enchanted FOREST. You really don't understand the joke there? Like…bush. You know…a woman's __**bush**__, aka "forest." Get it now?_

Regina nearly passed out right then and there as she read Emma's message. Not only her face, but her entire body flushed a brilliant red as the meaning of Emma's "joke" finally sank in. It hit her like a tidal wave, especially when she went back and reread the Sheriff's original message, which blatantly communicated that Emma wanted to "explore" _Regina's _"forest."

_SHE WANTS TO EXPLORE MY BUSH?! _Regina practically screamed in her head. _Emma Swan wants to have sex with me!_

And even though her skin was still crimson, the Mayor couldn't help but feel excited by the idea. A warm buzz settled on her skin and tingled deliciously in her spine, a faint pulsing making itself known between her legs. She squeezed her thighs tightly together and though the slight tremors of trepidation rippled through her gut, Regina decided to take a chance.

She assumed that if Emma was willing to go this far with these messages, then she must be serious (at least on some level), and well, Regina had never been one to back down or out. Besides, she'd be blatantly lying if she said she wasn't interested and now thoroughly enjoying this conversation with the Sheriff. So she summoned up her nerve and sent her reply.

**Regina Mills: **_Oh, I see…Well, in that case, Ms. Swan, I imagine you would find it quite difficult to "explore my Enchanted Forest" seeing as how I do not have one. _

Emma gulped audibly as she read Regina's text, her jaw loose and hanging. Did she just…is she…oh fuck. _Regina Mills just SEXTED me! _

**Sheriff Swan: **_…wax?_

**Regina Mills: **_Oh no, dear. Why would I subject myself to such discomfort when I can simply magic myself smooth?_

Emma blinked. She blinked. She blinked. And then she blinked again. Was this really happening?

Her thighs clenched so tightly in that moment that she could practically feel her muscles straining and her ovaries exploding. Nope. Nope. Nope. Got to go.

**Sheriff Swan: **_Uh…I'll have to talk to you later, Regina. I uh…well, I'm gonna...shower. Bye._

Regina could only smirk as she read Emma's last message and thought: _WIN!_

* * *

Emma tapped her foot rapidly against the floor as she waited for Regina to call the town meeting to order. She did her best to keep her eyes glued to the table in front of her, but Regina was walking around at the head of the table, preparing some giant index cards or something equally boring, and the damn black dress pants she was wearing were tight and made her ass pop in the best way; not to mention the painfully strained third button of her white button-up shirt hiding what the Sheriff could only imagine to be the world's most perfect cleavage. It certainly wasn't the first time that Emma had noticed how attractive the Mayor was, but this was different. Ever since she read Regina's text about "magical waxing," Emma couldn't stop picturing the Mayor naked and writhing beneath her. It was driving her absolutely mad, and it really didn't help that Regina kept shooting her smoldering looks from across the table.

_Freakin' Henry! _Emma thought. _How did I let that kid get me into this mess?!_

She wasn't going to back down, though, even if it unfortunately meant sitting through a long-ass town meeting, uncomfortably throbbing and not exactly dry. She was waiting for her time to strike, because she definitely had a plan, and that plan was currently crinkled and stuffed in her pocket.

As soon as Regina called the meeting to order and the lame-ass discussions began, Emma pulled her phone from her pocket and settled it in her lap before retrieving the crinkled piece of paper from her other pocket and unfolding it as quietly as possible under the table. She'd written down several of the pick-up lines from Henry's bookmarked webpage that morning before heading to the meeting, and she thought that now would be the perfect time to put them to the test.

She opened a new text board to Regina and began a rapid series of suggestive texts to the Mayor.

* * *

Regina noticed that the Sheriff's head had been ducked down for a while and she could only assume that the blonde was either sleeping (wouldn't be the first time) or was up to no good, so she wasn't terribly surprised when she felt her phone buzz in her lap seconds later.

But then it buzzed again. And again. And again.

The Mayor quickly finished up what she was saying to the group before opening the floor for Sidney to speak, and as he did, she subtly glanced under the table to read the multiple messages she had received from one Emma Swan.

**Sheriff Swan: **_Damn, Regina. Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world!_

**Sheriff Swan: **_I hope you have a library card, because I'm checking you out!_

Regina nearly snorted at the childish nature of the messages, but seeing as how that would have made it quite clear that she wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention to whatever Sidney was droning on about, she opted instead to roll her eyes and moved on to the next few messages from the Sheriff.

**Sheriff Swan: **_Hey Regina, I've been searching for treasure. Would you mind if I inspect your chest?_

**Sheriff Swan: **_That's a really great outfit, by the way. It would look better on the floor, though._

Arousal shot through every inch of Regina's body as she read that last message and she couldn't help but clench her thighs and grit her teeth to keep from shuddering as images of herself naked with Emma Swan shot through her mind. A nearly painful knot of tension built at the base of her spine and it took everything she had to keep from arching forward unbidden as the images in her mind grew naughtier by the second.

**Sheriff Swan: **_My magic watch says that you aren't wearing any underwear._

**Regina Mills: **_We are in the middle of a town meeting, Ms. Swan, and you are making comments about my underwear! That is highly unprofessional! Also, you have no such magic watch, and I actually AM wearing underwear._

**Sheriff Swan: **_You're wearing underwear? Damn, I guess my magic watch is fifteen minutes fast. *wink wink* _

Regina sucked in a heavy breath through her nose and had to bite down on her bottom lip to the point of drawing blood just to hold back the moan that had built in her chest and was still desperately trying to claw its way out of her body. She chanced a glance up at Emma and instantly regretted it, as the Sheriff was looking right at her. A smirk was planted firmly on Emma's face and there was nothing but pure heat in those emerald eyes.

This meeting needed to be over soon. Regina nearly groaned out loud as her phone buzzed again in her lap and she quickly checked the message.

No, seriously. This meeting NEEDED to be over.

**Sheriff Swan: **_Fuck me if I'm wrong, Regina, but this meeting is REALLY interesting. _

**Regina Mills: **_Emma…_

Emma herself nearly moaned out loud when she read that message. Regina very RARELY referred to her by her first name, but when she did…it was like fucking heaven, and in this moment—it was the naughtiest, sexiest, dirtiest heaven EVER, and Emma just wanted to die and roll around in it.

**Sheriff Swan: **_I don't know if you've heard, Regina, but the word of the day today is "Legs." So, what do you say? How about you and I go back to your place and __**spread the word**__?_

Regina's eyes nearly popped out of her skull as she read Emma's last message and before she even realized what she was doing, she was on her feet and shouting.

"MEETING ADJOURNED!" the Mayor announced loudly, much to the confusion of everyone in the room except for the Sheriff, of course, who looked equally amused and excited.

"But Madame Mayor, we still need to—" Sidney began to protest, but Regina quickly held up a hand and cut him off.

"Out!" she snapped. "There is an emergency issue that requires my immediate attention, thus I must adjourn this meeting. So, if you will all excuse me, I need everyone out!"

People quickly began shuffling to grab their things and were practically sprinting from the room in seconds. "Oh, Sheriff Swan, I will require your assistance with the emergency issue I mentioned if you could stay behind please!" Regina added as the last of the meeting's attendants were making their way out of the room.

Emma smirked as she said, "Absolutely, Madame Mayor."

The Sheriff and the Mayor waited (impatiently) for the room to clear entirely and once the final straggler had passed through the open doorway, Regina quickly waved a hand to magically close the door and lock it. As soon as the click sounded through the room, she and Emma collided into each other fiercely.

Arms latched around bodies and hands dug into soft locks of hair as they crashed their lips together, a fire raging between them. Body-aching, guttural moans echoed from both women's throats as their tongues dueled and their teeth sank into the soft flesh of bottom lips, slender necks, and tender earlobes. It was as if they were desperately trying to devour one another and simply could not get close enough, both women aching to the point of self-destruction.

When the need for air burned painfully in her chest, Regina pulled back. She then slipped her hand into Emma's and breathlessly asked, "Would you mind if I transported us by magic?"

Emma, completely dazed by her arousal, furrowed her brow and asked, "What? Where are we going?"

A devilish smile spread across Regina's supple lips as she arched an eyebrow and squeezed Emma's hand. "To _spread the word_, dear. Where else?"

* * *

Several hours later, Regina and Emma collapsed into the sheets of the Mayor's bed in a tangled, sweaty mess of naked satisfaction. They had thoroughly explored one another and discovered they had much more in common, and definitely appreciated one another, more than either had ever realized. Both could easily see this being the start of something…something truly incredible (especially if the sex was anything to go by).

Regina ran her fingers over the smooth plane of the Sheriff's stomach and said, "As much as I enjoy fighting with you, dear, I believe this was a much more satisfactory usage of our time."

Emma grabbed the Mayor's hand and pulled it up to her mouth. She kissed each of Regina's fingers as she breathlessly laughed and said, "Definitely. I fucking love Operation SwanQueen."

Regina turned to look at her, brows furrowed, and questioned, "Operation SwanQueen?"

"Well," Emma said, letting out a contented sigh as she wrapped her arms around the Mayor, "you see, it started out as Operation Meriff, like Mayor and Sheriff combined, you know? But that just didn't sound right, and neither did Operation Shayor, so then there was…"

The End.


End file.
